I've recently started venturing to the Starbucks near campus during my in between class time to either study, write some stuff for LTS or to fart around on the internet. Today I will do a combination of all three, but sans actual farts. I got a soy latte.
The little kingdom of coffee shop is a delicate balance of rudeness, tough skin, love of pastries and the desire for free WiFi I for one am not always all of these things but it beats sitting in my car in the parking lot at school (I've done this many times, don't judge). Here are some tidbits of knowledge that I hope you will find titillating and efficacious!
- When you spot your table, claim it quickly
Too many times I have walked into Starbucks only to foolishly stand in line with my purse and backpack only to have my ideal table stolen by someone who got there two minutes before me. You have to let go of your bags. I know they are full of your precious treasures: Your favorite pen, that Moleskin notebook full of all your million dollar ideas, the headphones that you finally found that meet your desired ratio of good looks/sound quality/affordability. But you have to let them go. I know it's tough. But it's only for five minutes. Preferably set them someplace where you can still keep an eye on them from the line like a toddler in a sandbox-- "Oh no, Johnny! That's not a brown Cheeto!" - Beware of businessmen in sunglasses
They just pulled up in their Mercedes with their $400 leather laptop bag and they don't care how loud they're going to talk on their Bluetooth earpiece, they're here to "work" and you're beneath them because you're just here to study. They're here to meet with their bro from accounting to go over this quarter's earnings. Their hair is slicked back. They're too busy to even take their sunglasses off their head. They mean business. In this case business is synonymous with annoying. - Your laptop will die. And you will need a plug.
That forlorn feeling you get when you've got 10% battery left and can't find a plug near you is worse than any other feeling you could possibly imagine. Your cat died? This is worse. You just got fired? This is worse. You can't find pants that fit? THIS IS WORSE. Plan accordingly. I've developed eagle-like vision for spotting a plug. And for spotting wedding rings on men. Both are very important skills to hone. When your computer starts making that sad "I'm dying" noise and all sorts of lights start blinking red, you know you better whip out that charger fast because your world is about to crumble. - Don't make eye contact.
You know what it's like. Something catches your gaze and you find yourself suddenly locking eyes with a stranger. Inevitably it's an ugly gentlemen wearing brightly colored Beats by Dre and reading "How to be a Player". Your brief moment of eye contact might have just given him the confidence boost he needed to walk over and strike up a conversation. To avoid this, always sit in the spot of least opportunity. Face the wall if you have to. Do like Timone says and turn your back da world. You won't regret it, I promise. - Find your bathroom buddy.
This is not someone who accompanies you to the lou to assist you. Though later in life you'll definitely want to find your bathroom buddy for this purpose. But for now your bathroom buddy is that person who watches your stuff while you conduct your business. They're preferably close enough to your belongings to tackle whomever may enter the Starbucks for the sole purpose of stealing your laptop and also someone who looks trustworthy. A man wearing all black with a pencil mustache and a top hat is NOT trustworthy. A grandma still wearing her late husband's high school football pin on her lapel is SUPER trustworthy (and also adorable, you need to be friends with her). Just be careful with the grandma, because she might actually need the latter version of a bathroom buddy and you do not want to go there. But I bet she makes kick-butt biscuits and you do want to go to there.
Master these elements and your coffee shop adventure will be most amiable! Bon Latte!*
*Disclaimer: This is not actually something French people say.
No comments:
Post a Comment