Adventures in iTunes

My sister is getting married in a little under a week, and yesterday I spent a few hours purchasing music off of iTunes for their reception. Partly because I'm a good sister and have excellent taste, but mostly because it's fun to spend other people's money. After getting everything purchased, I took the time to transfer all of the songs to a playlist, figure out which configuration would randomize the songs best, and then listened (and am still listening) to the playlist to make sure all of the songs are actually as awesome as I thought they would be.

So far, I've only had one problem with a song. It's an instrumental version of Coldplay's "Clocks" by the cellist duo 2Cellos. I thought, quite naively apparently, that this would be a pleasant song, since the other songs I had purchased by 2Cellos were perfect. Unfortunately, they decided that this song required a pianist, and that pianist decided to get a little crazy with it, and it basically turns into an uncomfortable piano solo for half of the song. So I had to send in a request to iTunes get a refund for the song, because there was no way I was keeping it, or even listening to it again for as long as I live.

This is what I sent in to iTunes:

Think of the children. 

A few hours later I received a response. I almost believed that there was a real person behind the words, until I read it a little closer. 

Lea is either 1 of 2 things: A robot response that could almost be generic enough to work in just about every situation, or she is a very tired and slightly illiterate Apple employee. My money is on the second option. 

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Taco Bell Breakfast: You Have Been Warned

I jolted out of bed this morning and said “I have to go buy a taco”, a sign of an ever-changing world wherein you can wake up and immediately eat fast food Mexican. What a great time to be alive. I threw on some clothes, and headed down the street to the Taco Bell where I have been eating for probably 20 years. Probably. I was half expectant to be met with crowds, long lines and all manner of folk wanting to try out this new thing. That wasn’t a thing at all. 

I pulled up at 9:45, not sure what time they stop serving breakfast. Their website said nothing. The signs on their window say "7am or earlier" which only had me asking more questions. 

Am I too late? 
Was I supposed to be here before 7? 
Could I get here at 2am and still order a breakfast burrito?
I DON’T KNOW. 

We may never know. I decided to order an array of items: Sausage Waffle Taco, Cinnabon Delights & a coffee. 

Side note: Bravo to whoever did the branding for their breakfast line. It it absolutely fantastic. 

1. Coffee   B+
I ordered my coffee black because I sweeten my coffee with local honey and creamer is for sissies. I did note, however, that their creamer option is plain, sweetened Coffee Mate. Initial reaction to my brew is that it's not half bad. We aren't talking artisan flavors here but for $1.49 it's a decent option when you're in need of a perk. Definitely better than McDonald's, maybe Chick-Fil-A too but I haven't honestly had their coffee since it made me sick once in 2010. Traumatized. 



2. Waffle Taco  0%
Initial impression, gross. It's covered in cheese. How did I miss that? There's no way cheese and waffle could possibly be delicious. 

My waffle is greasy. Nasty greasy. I would expect a waffle, which in this case I’m assuming was fried, to be somewhat crispy, but no. I'm not even taking a second bite of this. Egg is sub-par and sausage is just okay. Try this if you dare, but probably don't try it at all. I would say something in a real tortilla would treat you better.

GROSS. Go to the store, buy a pack of Eggo’s and the rest of the ingredients and make this fresh at home. The result will be 1,000 times better. 

 3. Cinnabon Delights  B
These better be my saving grace. They look good, and came with a little packet of syrup. 

I didn't know they were filled with icing. What a lovely surprise! All-in-all these were decent. Just about as good as anything gooey, fried, covered in cinnamon & sugar and dipped in syrup can be. Absolutely life-changing incredible? No. But they redeemed the waffle taco, definitely. They are available in a 4-count & 12-count. 

There were quite a few things on the menu that I wasn't expecting. A grilled breakfast taco, breakfast crunch wrap & a flatbread melt. If you're a fast food-y and need a new morning routine, give Taco Bell a chance, they're trying, just stay the heck away from that nasty waffle monstrosity.  

Valentine's for Us

     Were you a Christian in the 90's? Are you still a Christian? Good. Let's keep it that way.

Did you have a crush on Toby Mac or Michael W. Smith? Of course you did.

Do you wish there were better Valentine's Day cards for you that appeal to your desire for romance and your respect for your girl's relationship with the Lord?

Well now you can use your favorite lyrics from your favorite artists to tell your significant other just how much you love them!

(this caption brought to you by my cousin, Tiffany)

You're welcome. 

(Note: I'm sure there were some missed opportunities here, but I was born in 1989 so I don't remember much.)

Jesus is my Wingman

As a young single Christian girl I'm well aware of the belief that girls should "wait to be pursued".

"Don't pursue a relationship with a guy, let them come to you." 

This sounds all fine and holy in theory, but as I am getting older it's beginning to feel like a load of crap. I don't subscribe to the theory of  "the one" person for everyone, despite what Christian Mingle tries to tell me. Sitting around waiting for a great relationship to come to me is a great way to turn me into a spinster. I have to play a part in the process as well to find "God's match for me". 

The main problem I have with being part of the process is that I'm 24 and the last official date I've had was to junior prom (here's looking at you Zach Williams). Real talk. In waiting to be pursued I've lost all opportunity to practice how to act with romantic interest. Sure, I've had a few fellas look my way over the years but nothing ever came of it. You know why? I'm a terrible flirt. I know nothing about dating. Everything I know about boys was learned before the age of five. I revert back into a small child almost immediately upon attractive-male contact and the conversation ends with me mentioning boogers or insulting him beyond reproach. 

So I had to consult the big guy upstairs about how to act. Jesus has become my wingman. He tells me when I'm being too clingy or mean. He says "Hey that's a handsome dude over there" He gives me hints on how to have a decent conversation with a fella. Our conversations typically go like this: 

"What do I say to him, Jesus?" 

"Just be cool. Be aloof- but still available." 

"Ohh snap, Jesus, he responded to my text. What do I say?" 

"Ask him what kind of donkey he drives lololol" 

"Dag nabit, Jesus, get it together." 

Me & Me

     Remember those old quizzes on Facebook? The kind where you'd get tagged in about fifty of them until you decided to post answers to all of these random questions about you with a title like "Okay I guess I'll give in"? I know you do. I stumbled upon many of these that I posted from 2008-2009. I found them insightful and entertaining. I have since removed them from Facebook, but not before keeping the best ones to post here.

     When I answered this particular quiz I was 19 years old. I had been out of high school for less than a year. I wasn't a cool as I am now. #truth

      For the heck of it I've included my reaction to what was originally written, you know, to add some spice.

I forgot to have a comment on #18. I still can't think of anything. 

Tweespam

    It's common knowledge by now that people will use the internet to try and scam you. It started way back with the Nigerian prince who made us think "Why me? And how did this prince get my email address?" If you're on Twitter (and I seriously hope you are and that you follow me) then you've probably encountered some sort of spam. Spammers apparently target key words in a tweet and almost immediately reply to your tweet containing that keyword with a link. I used to get annoyed with these, especially because for a while they were profiles with links that obviously took you to the more unsavory areas of the internet. I got pretty good at reporting accounts for spam.

    A few weeks ago I discovered that these spam accounts were actually kind of humorous in their description as well as the nonsense they tweeted. I've been screen shooting their accounts THEN reporting them for spam. They are gone now but will live on forever here, on my blog.

   Let's start with some of the names and bios:

First, I'm pretty sure if you lost six pounds in one week you wouldn't be "rofl"ing, you would be roThis name sounds like something that I would make up if all of the sudden I had a job making up names for Twitter spam. #dreamjob 

At first I thought these bios were really funny due to their specific and personal nature- then I compared them to mine...

Oh. These are...similar. Also I can't get that dot after "Lactose Intolerant" to move. 

And now comes the beautiful literature that comes from these spammers. It's poetic. It's worthy of a Pulitzer. It's gibberish. 

I don't have that you all it do me, Sorry. 

Sales

Mascara companies will say anything to make a sale. Lashes that are "virtually endless" may sound great for some but to me it sounds absolutely terrifying.